I'm Glad I'm Not a Fly on the Urinal Wall

I travel a lot.  Like 42 cities a year in 8-9 countries.  So one day I'm inside the St. Louis. MO airport bathroom, and spotted inside the men’s room urinal…(yes, I am going there)…there was an interesting item. About mid-center of the urinal, sat a bug. A fly. I drew down on it. Hit it! My instinctive goal was to catch it in a stream, run it down to that filthy, little pool at the bottom of the urinal, where it would suffer an indignant, gross, fluid death. Then flush! AHA!

But despite my concentrated aim and force? I was unable to dislodge the fly from the porcelain side. What? Superfly? Only then did I discover that I was duped, and it was a mere drawing. A target. Not a real fly, but almost a 3-d drawing, intricate version of a fly. But it looked just like a real fly! What game is afoot here?


I investigated this phenomena. It appears, I am told, that certain public, bathroom fixture companies are placing these drawings at the precise, engineering point, mid-dish, center, that architecturally reduces or moves eliminates the chance of causal urine streaming and splattering that might otherwise bounce or leak outside the curved confines of the urinal structure. These institutions are taking advantage of the male psyche, tricking us like small children to aim properly into urinals.

But this ruse...it works. Upon my return later to said urinal, knowing full, full well that the fly was just a dupe, an addictive bulls eye, I was still driven to take dedicated aim at it. Maybe I could wear the paint off a bit? Out! Out damn spot!

This idea works. There is much discussion these days on what is the “definition of masculinity.” Somehow, and I can’t define why, this aforementioned fly report should be included in the definition. - Hock Hochheim

To see more of Hock's books visit: LauricPress



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